Instructions, please!

After last weeks frenzy posts, I am left with the nagging question that is on every parents lips...."why don't children come with instruction manuals?"

You may be laughing at me, and that is all fine and good, but seriously, after going back and re-reading my posts, I need one!

No one tells you about the puking in the middle of the night to where you have to strip the bed to make it sleepable once again for your precious baby, or about the countless times you will change a wet diaper, only to have to turn right back around 5 seconds later and change a massive poopy diaper! It leaves you thinking, "hmm, it isn't wet at all, is it possible I can clean the poop out of it good enough to get my moneys worth?" Yeah, don't act like that has never crossed your mind. How come no one tells you when or even IF it is ever appropriate for a child to blow raspberries?? I mean, of course you don't want your children going around blowing raspberries at people, but then again, you don't want to deny them the fun of them! So then, you are left with the decision of "well, if I let them do it at home while their playing, then they'll think they can do it while we are out in public." So you find yourself CONSTANTLY saying, "no, don't do that, quit it, stop it, I said quit, that isn't nice!!"

Then you realize that all your efforts are completely useless, because they NEVER listen to you, and you are frankly, tired of repeating yourself for the GA-ZILLIONTH time! So, you start to tell yourself, "pick your battles." They are still young enough to where they really don't understand every order your bark at them. You convince yourself that you can change them when they get older, say right before the start kindergarten (wait, I have TWO boys, what the heck am I talking about, BOYS never change!) So basically, I am in trouble...nice.

Yeah, so looking back on the birth of my first born, they did send you home with somewhat of an "instruction manual." You all know the one that I am taking about, right? It was pink, and it had different things to expect before, during and after the birth of your child. That is exactly what I told my husband when I saw it,..."hey honey, look, it's an instruction manual!"

They only fail to mention EVERYTHING!!!